The Backstory Project

Anyone who has ever gone through the act of character creation in an RPG understands the concept of a backstory. It’s what goes beyond the math and the dice rolling and gives your character a place in the world you’re playing in. They are as varied as the people who play them. A character can explode out of the earth full of high numbers and big weapons ready to take on their fullest life as a murderhobo with no family, friends, or desires beyond kicking the next kobold ’til the shinies drop out. A character can rip open their chest and bear the entirety of their souls before you at the mercy of the die rolls – revealing their past hardship and glory, even revealing the story of how they eventually died before you even got a chance to actually meet them in the game. For many of us, though, our characters need time to grow. I’ve shared a couple character stories here, for instance, that show my style often comes in the way of hidden truths and deep seeded issues that pop up like icebergs over the water, awaiting time and gameplay to reveal more to the other players and even myself. You don’t get to see the full story just because we happened to be in the same tavern when the world started to end all around us. And that got me thinking beyond my characters’ backstories and into my own. How radically different those tales unfold for people who have walked through fire with me and know t – and I wasn’t alone.

I will not speak to the stories of the others … but I can at least tell you mine. 

I got really good at playing at happy. I practiced. Took notes. I learned to laugh when nothing felt funny. I studied standup comedians, sitcoms, I watched big men like me do pratfalls and make goofy faces because that’s what was expected of me. From the moment I got to school, I’d been disregarded or insulted by folks. So I made myself unmissable. Made myself valuable. If I was gonna be laughed at, I’d be laughed at on my terms. They wanted a joke. So I became one.

Were I to sum my backstory – I’d use the words Mr. Williams used before me. I have stared into the face of despair. I’ve heard the voice that tells me I’m useless, worthless, and the world would be better off without me. I sat with a knife and contemplated how he has a point. But had I not revealed that to you, you probably wouldn’t know any of it. I practiced, I took notes, and I made sure no one needed to see my pain. It’d just be a burden. I got so good at hiding it that I do it subconsciously.

Relationships are painful, messy, and terrifying. They require you to lay yourself bare before the person without knowing how they’ll react. As my wife and I were getting serious, I had to give her my backstory. Had to tell her everything. That meant I  had to tell her she couldn’t trust me to tell her how I felt. I made her a promise. If she asked me how I was doing and I said I was fine, she had five words in response. “Are you lying to me?” I promised her that anything I said after that would be the whole truth. I needed to give her that because I would. I have, and I don’t even realize I’ve done it until she calls me on it. I’m not proud of that – but it’s part of how I got here.

The Project

You don’t know a character’s full backstory until you play with them. There’s too much that’s hidden. Too much even they haven’t figured out yet. The same applies to the players behind them. Consciously or not, there is a long story behind who a person is, the way they act, and the things they care about that you won’t get in a game session. You probably won’t get it at the table at all.

We are intentional about sharing our struggles with folks – via this site, our podcasts, and even our videos. We do this because every time we share these things – somebody will reach out to us and thank us for sharing it. They thank us for reminding them that they are not the only ones that feel this deep hurt, and hearing people they listen to every week say they know that feeling was a boon because it helped them realize they don’t have to hide all the time.

We wanted to create something “shareable” that also challenges folks to be vulnerable enough to step into community in the truest form of the word. Something that reminds those feeling the pain of old wounds that they aren’t alone, and those who have never experienced that kind of hurt that the smiles and laughter on the other side of the table may be hiding a ragged and harrowing backstory they just haven’t learned yet.

We gathered the InnRoads board, as well as a few of our friends in the geek faith world, to open up a bit of our backstories. Put our struggles and hurts before you so that somebody else might feel safe enough to deal with their own. This is the backstory project:

You can find the link to each of these by clicking on them – so if you or anyone you know needs to see it, it’s available for you. We’d also challenge you to make your own. We know it’s not easy. We know digging up the past can be an arduous task. But as a man who has wept and bled with the guys pictured above, I’ll tell you that there is nothing more valuable than wading into the ugliness we find there to join our presents together as a family.

If you do make your own and want to share it on your social media of choice, we’d love it if you would tag it with #BackstoryProject so that we can encourage you and even help process what you find. If you want to link to this post, you can do that too.

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